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April 04, 2013 - 12:55 AM
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April 03, 2013 - 02:43 PM
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April 03, 2013 - 02:31 AM
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September 03, 2012 - 04:16 PM
Torben
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Den russiske oliesheik købte nogle kostbare malerier kort før jul på en kustauktion i New York.
- Det bliver sandelig nogle flotte julegaver, sagde den imponerede kunsthandler.
- Julegaver? fnøs sheiken. Hvad antager De mig for? Det er julekort!
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November 19, 2011 - 09:36 AM
Torben
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En far spurgte sin datter, hvad hun ønskede sig i julegave. - En lillebror, svarede pigen.
Til alt held skete der det, at moderen netop juleaften kom hjem fra hospitalet, hvor hun havde født en lille dreng, så alle var glade.
Året efter spurgte faderen igen pigen, hvad hun ønskede sig i julegave, og hun svarede: - Tja, hvis det ikke er alt for besværligt og hårdt for mor, så vil jeg gerne have en pony!
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October 17, 2011 - 09:47 AM
Torben
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Patienten: - Doktor, doktor! Jeg tror jeg er julemanden.
- OK, kan jeg så få min julegave nu?
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October 17, 2011 - 09:25 AM
Torben
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- Hvad siger kannibalen når han ser julemanden kommer?
Svar: Nu kommer julemaden!
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October 17, 2011 - 09:22 AM
Torben
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Fruen i huset var misfornøjet med sin bil og beklagede sig overfor sin mand.
- Køb en overraskelse til mig i julegave! Når jeg sætter foden ned skal den, skal den accelerere fra 0-100 på mindre end 4 sekunder, sagde hun. - Helst en lyseblå! Tilføjede hun.
Fuld af forventninger gik hun juleaften i møde. - Hun fik en flot lyseblå badevægt..
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October 15, 2011 - 11:27 AM
Torben
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Juleordbog - i kronologisk rækkefølge:
Julesne: Ses nu om dage kun i form af stærke øl der udkommer længe før jul. Det er oftest mænd der tager ud og drikker julesne, da de fleste kvinder har en begrænset fascination af gadekampe med smadrede flasker.
Julekalender: Førhen definitionen på et farverigt stykke pap med låger. Nu om stunder indebærer den flere simultane versioner med gavepakker, chokolade, million-skrabe-chancer mv. allerede for 4-årige børn
Kalenderlys: Stort, tykt lys med tal på, hvor det næste tal svarer til datoen for tre dage siden. Det oser og lugter tit af brændt plastic grundet talrige nisse-dekorationer.
Julegaver: Grunden til det er umuligt at få en parkeringsplads foran indkøbscentret d. 22. og 23. december.
Julestress: Almindelig sindslidelse hos husmødre sidst på året - har man den ikke bør man søge læge!
Juletræ: Et grantræ som syner 1.10 m højt udendørs men viser sig at være 2.50 m når det kommer indendørs. Fordrer daglig støvsugning af hele stuen. En gedigen støttepille i tysk nationaløkonomi.
Juletræsfod: En anordning opfundet af en ondskabsfuld person, for at skabe splid i de fleste hjem op til jul.
Juleklip: En udfordring til kreativiteten samt tolerancen blandt familiemedlemmer.
Julemiddag: Årets afgørende test på, hvorvidt en husmor kan tilfredstille 14 menneskers middagsønsker, uden at komme til skade. Kræver grillhandsker samt rigelige mængder rødvin.
Ris a la mande: Et årligt tilbagevendende forsøg på at tage livet af sin familie ved forspisning. Lokkemaden er bizart nok ofte en spiselig gave.
Julekort: Et initiativ der kræver stadig mere opfindsomhed år for år. 15 levende rensdyr samt en sneklædt, eksklusiv, udenlandsk location er mindstekrav.
Julepynt: Diverse kugler, nisser, hjemmeklip som man aldrig når at blive færdig med at hænge op før jul, og sjældent når at få fjernet helt inden næste jul.
Julekonfekt: En ondskabsfuldhed af uhyrlige dimensioner. De mennesker, den ikke ødelægger figur...
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